In my avocation as a movie reviewer, I often – too often – screen films that, for lack of a better word, are pretty “cheesy.” Outrageous dialogue, over the top acting, fantastic settings, impossible premises, outlandish costumes, and so on. This one takes the cake – make that the cheesecake – for being all those things AND all about cheese!
This romp though cheese, ruthless dictatorship and inept militarism, illicit cheese burning, peasant rebellions, sadistic women’s prisons, food bigotry and more hits every high low note of broad comedy, parodying numerous film genre along the way.
It begins with the credits: the movie is a product of “Swissploitation Films,” whose corporate logo is the Matterhorn surrounded by, not a halo of stars like Paramount, but a halo of Swiss Cheese wheels. This is followed by a public ad announcement such as films from the 1950s might feature.
The story begins in a Swiss city where a band of citizens are demonstrating against the candidacy of the local cheese head – or is that head cheese? A brutal suppression follows, directed by a brutal police commandant name “Knorr” (a character brilliantly lampooned by Max Rudlinger – “Tell”), a cheese magnate, Meile (Casper Van Dien – “Space Troopers”) is elected “the very Swiss” President of Switzerland. During that suppression, baby Heidi’s parents are killed and her grandfather loses an eye.
Twenty years of ruthless, frivolous rule pass as Meili becomes more and more entrenched in power. (In Norse mythology, Meili is the son of Odin and brother of Thor.) A tram delivers him from the presidential mansion to his massive cheese factory next door.
Meanwhile, Heidi (Alice Lucy – “Junction 9”) has grown into a beautiful 20 year old maiden. This “Swiss Miss” cavorts in the hay with “Goat Peter” (Kel Matsena – “Doctors”), a seller of illicit goat cheese. Her grandfather (David Schofield – “Valkyrie”) doesn’t approve and Heidi runs away from her idylic mountain log cabin.
Soon, she and her friend Klara (Almar Sato – “Letters to Paul Morrissey”) run afoul of Commandant Knorr and end up in the soup in a woman’s prison run by the sadistic Fraulein Rottweiler (Katja Kolm – “Family Practice”).
And so it goes. The acting, while far over the top, is excellent. Especially fun are Knorr and Meile, with Rottweiler a close second. Counterpoint to this silliness are the serious efforts by Heidi and Grandfather.
Cinematography is gorgeous, taking full advantage of the majestic Swiss Alps and the lush valleys in between.
An especially amusing scene is the torture of one of the “undesirable” by Knorr. Every autocracy finds a group to demonize and here they are – of course – the lactose intolerant. Knorr’s poor victim has his mouth crammed with cheese, and hot fondue poured over his head. Once he’s given up his secrets, Knorr delivers the coup d’ grace: a whole Toblerone rammed down his throat.
Are there holes in the plot? Are there holes in Swiss Cheese? Of course, but that just adds to the zaniness.
This film is not in the same league as “Airplane” or some of Mel Brooke’s efforts. It’s more like “Iron Sky.” But that doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy it. Be prepared for lots of cheese smothered in blood.
Credits
Directors: Johannes Hartmann, Sandro Klopfstein
Writers: Gregory D. Widmer, Johannes Hartmann, Sandro Klopfstein
Producers: More than there are alpenhorns in Switzerland
Cinematographer: Eric Lehner
Editors : Jann Anderegg, Claudio Cea, Isai Oswald (The ones who ‘cut the cheese’)
Music: Mario Batkovic
Cast
Heidi: Alice Lucy
Grandfather: David Schofield
Goat Peter: Kel Matsena
Klara: Almar Sato
Knorr: Max Rudlinger
Meili: Casper Van Dien
Rottweiler: Katja Kolm
Runtime: One hour, 32 minutes
Availability: In theaters June 21, 2023
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