In recent years, there has been a plethora of films released based on newly- lapsed copyrighted material or classic tales long in the public domain. Their principal “artistic” hallmarks have been gore, cheap scares, abysmal acting and low technical quality. Despite that, they have been moneymakers: never underestimate the public’s taste for drivel.
For example, the atrocious “Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey,” made for about $100,000, had a total take worldwide (including disc releases) of almost $6 million. This spawned a sequel, “Blood and Honey II,” which also did very very well financially.
Quickly thereafter followed “Screamboat,” based on “Steamboat Willie” (the first appearance of Mickey Mouse) and “Bambi: The Reckoning,” based on that innocent fawn made famous by Disney. Money to be made on schlock, like blood in water, inevitably draws sharks. The list is long and growing longer.
Which brings us to “Ever After.”
Directed and co-written by Laszlo Illes (“The Shepherd”) and Laszlo Krisztian Gera (“Haunting Trophies”), this film incorporates many familiar fairy tale characters: the Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood, the Huntsman, the Three Pigs, a Prince, a Witch, and a Frog King. Of course, most of them have been twisted into bloodthirsty monsters. The exception is the Huntsman (Michael Berryman – “The Hills Have Eyes”), who despite his appearance is a good guy.
The film opens with the Huntsman dropping off two knucklehead hunters who plan to hunt for boar. The plan is to rendezvous at the same spot at midnight. Ominously, the Huntsman warns the two to behave themselves – which they don’t and soon suffer for it.
Meanwhile seven youngish women are arriving at the forest for a bachelorette weekend in a rented lodge. We know from the moment we see them that they are doomed because … they are seven youngish women arriving at a lodge in the forest. Obviously!
Exactly where this forest lies is unclear – the girls have American accents, but the settings are central European. Anyway, there to let them into the rental is a fairly handsome but weirdly simple man, whom one of the girls (it doesn’t matter which, they are interchangeable) invites to a party that evening. She thinks she will get lucky with him, but when he shows up, with roses and princely attire, she discovers he has a foot fetish – of the very worst kind.
Then the three pigs show up. They aren’t little, they aren’t cute, and they’re out to avenge themselves on anyone who’s ever burned bratwurst on a bbq grill. The result is the remaining girls run off into the forest at midnight. You can guess the rest.
This is clearly an ultra low budget flick with more money spent on spurting raspberry jelly, slaughter house entrails, and rubber masks than on costumes, sets, or acting lessons. The woods look more like a regrowing clear-cut than the Black Forest, and camera setups limit views to avoid showing how barren the sets actually are. More experienced filmmakers can use this to their advantage, but not here.
There are a couple better performances, but their presence attests to the professionalism of the actors more than that of the director. Mark Shepherd (“Supernatural”) turns in a solid performance as a combination circus ringmaster/prosecutor/judge in the latter half of the film, and the aforementioned Berryman performs in a small, realistically acted role. They add a glint of silver in what is otherwise a pile of rubbish. As for Malcolm McDowell (“A Clockwork Orange”), his contribution is the equivalent of a walk-on (except he doesn’t) with a few lines. From being the star of a Kubrick film to the voice of a frog – simply stunning!
My advice to you, if you see this film coming, is to do as the girls did…run!
Runtime: Two hours, five minutes (incredibly padded with long lingering sadistic scenes of fairytale mayhem)
Availability: Limited theatrical release
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