— by MARIUSZ ZUBROWSKI —
Some trailers feature on-screen tension that you can cut with a knife, some feature big-name actors donning tight spandex, and some trailers feature chuckle-free and sexist jokes — most of them by Rob Schneider.
“American Virgin” revolves around Priscilla White, a student who abstains from sex before marriage. She teams up with another female named Naz.
Naz is like the generic party-girl, who always seems to die first in every “Friday The 13th” film.
Push comes to shove, and Priscilla is exposed to a new world, and this world features significantly more Rob Schneider. Yes, Rob Schneider stars in this film, and he plays a perverted, unsophisticated, and to be blunt, stupid character.
This isn’t much of a surprise to me, as Schneider always plays this sort of character. This pathetic excuse for cinema is directed by Clare Kilner, who also directed “The Wedding Date” and “How To Deal,” which both bombed.
This trailer serves like a huge, neon sign with the words “Please Avoid This!” Any shred of hope is lost when Naz lands the disgustingly bad line about masturbation, and Rob Schneider serves to just further one’s self from that lost hope.
The trailer included him telling a duo of girls to exclaim that they are “dirty sluts.” Dohoho, that was almost clever enough to make me chuckle. The next minute or so includes him doing inappropriate hand gestures and women flashing.
The acting seems horrible. Any and all attempts at comedy come off as amateurish and serve no purpose but to showcase a woman’s breasts. There are absolutely no redeeming factors for this piece of garbage and serve only to further dismiss Schneider’s and now Jenna Dewan’s credentials as actors, though I think that it’d work great as an anesthetic at the dentist’s office as well.
Zero originality, horrid acting and unfunny gags make this film to be ignored when it’s released. Rob Schneider fans may find this film entertaining, but then again, they probably found “Deuce Bigalow” entertaining.
Just a quick side note, Rob, if you read this: no, I did not win any rewards — so please don’t publish any full-page ads in the newspaper denouncing me.
“American Virgin” heads straight to DVD on Oct. 5.
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