It's Just Movies

— by MARIUSZ ZUBROWSKI —

For the past month, I’ve been obsessed with director Uwe Boll.

No, he hasn’t won any awards other than a Razzie for Worst Lifetime Achievement, but he is a legend in his right. His films “Bloodrayne,” “Postal” and “House of the Dead” are, in fact, terrible, but also entertaining in their own way.

However, Uwe Boll is more than a “prestigious” film-maker, he’s also a humanitarian and he does his role in helping the human race through his mannerisms which teach us five life lessons that cannot be ignored.

Here are The Top 5 life lessons Uwe Boll has taught us:

5. Violence is always the answer.

Uwe Boll does not kindly to his critics. In fact, he challenged a group of professional movie reviewers to a boxing match and won. Boll believes that the strategy to confronting hate is a “friendly” punch.

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4. Never use a restroom in a Starbucks restaurant.

Starbucks is a popular coffee chain and its goal is to brew culture in a mid-size cup that Americans drink every morning. However, Uwe Boll is not a fan; in fact, he preaches against the use of Starbucks restrooms due to the inefficiencies in their toilet paper.

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3. There is no such thing as bad publicity!

Many celebrities worry about saying something politically-incorrect and thus offending dozens of people but not Uwe Boll. In fact, Dr. Boll advertised his movie “Postal” by dressing up as George S. Patton and preaching that there is only one way of eliminating racism — getting rid of “all other races.”

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2. Confidence is the key to success.

Many people believe that Uwe Boll is the worst director to walk the planet, but Uwe Boll is not one of those people. In fact, Boll believes his movies to be the best thing since hulless popcorn. However, everyone needs a boost in their ego once in all, so Uwe Boll proposes that you go on Fox News for this indulgence.

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1. If you can’t stop your enemies with violence, screw them over with a petition.

Uwe Boll is a legend. In fact, he has a petition running against him where Boll agreed to quit the business if it reaches an allotted amount of signatures. However, Boll isn’t take this laying down. He countered this petition with one of this own.

This can be signed here: http://www.petitiononline.com/uwelive/petition.html.

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Agree? Disagree? Let us know in the comments section.